Thursday, 27 April 2017

Long time no see!

Wow time flies! I haven't been on here for ages. I pop back on and the whole place has changed. I soooo need to update my blog. I can see you can practically make a whole new website out of the thing now by adding pages. Great stuff! I actually really enjoy making websites - my favourite - all be it a cheat site is weebly. So quick, so easy!

So what has changed since 2014 I hear you ask?!  Well ...

Well in October 2014 Jess started nursery. This is in the only yurt nursery in the UK that is in 2 fields on the edge of a country college. Seems funny to be typing that as she is leaving in a months time! They play in fields, build fires, play in the woods on a swing, play in a massive sand pit, visit the farm and see all the animals. Just love it!

October also saw me falling pregnant with baby number 2! ... Argh! This time I fell pregnant on the first month of not actively trying but not preventing. You know when you tell yourself your not really trying but secretly you are ... but ... your firmly in the camp of denial ... Yea I was there ...!!

My whole pregnancy was a mash of feelings about whether I was going to have another breech baby, another Caesarean - then I discovered you can have a breech vaginal.So I went for this but she then turned cephalic at 28 weeks so worry over. By this point I had had enough of consultants and you must do this so looked into independant midwives. I eventually had her in the July 2015 as a home birth :-D Go me!! :-D Most amazing thing EVER! Would do it again in a heart beat ... (I did not get off lightly though as I had a PPH loosing 2 litres of blood and ended up with a 4th degree tear! (She was a shoulder dystocia.) So I got whipped in by ambulance and a nice 5 day stay after. I actually wanted to go in to have one on one time with her for bonding so I didn't mind this. I love hospitals ...

The rest of 2015-2016 pretty much saw me clinging onto life with a thread of silk mentally. Adjusting to 2 was the hardest thing in the world!! Never again ... Newborn period dead easy! We coslept, breastfed on demand, did what we could to survive. As soon as she turned 4 months that was it. Things got bad for me and I got PND & Anxiety. This was at its worse until around 10 months pp. I had cbt and this gave me a weekly focus and break if nothing else. My support network was practically non existent. I was in touch with home start. The lady that arranged it was awesome I wanted her to help us. But the ladies (we had 2 I fired 1) that came in were nice but not quiet on what they thought. I lost confidence in the 1st which made my mind go backwards and the 2nd was really and at just not being around for weeks. Always on holiday then with us for a week or 2 then off again.I know they are volunteers but I just needed consistency. They took us off their books around about christmas 2016. At the same time my cbt was ending and at the same time my FIL was recently diagnosed with cancer. So really bad timing on loosing the support.

However baby 2 - called Sophie by the way! Was older now she was over a year things were beginning to settle down. January 2017 she was 18 months and again another leap into a bit more like normality. The worst thing with her has been sleep. Fine all night once asleep but getting her down is hell. She still (now at 21 months ... ) mostly needs rocking to sleep or falls asleep on the boob. I don't mind on the boob but rocking is hell for my pelvic floor and back! However she has on occassion eventually dropped off in the cot by herself (After 10pm ...!) so we seem to have some slow progress here. 

Here is a picture of the girls now :-)

FIL passed away last month so this year has been mad so far. Hubby has been up there a lot to sort things out practically etc both before and after. The kids have been sick with everything going until this month. So now things are beginning to settle down again. Hopefully life can resume at a slower pace! So that's about all from this end. Sorry it's long but after such a long gap it always was going to be ... That's all for now. Keep looking up all! X

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