Hello great people of the world! We have been out for our first family walk in ages tonight. Around the local area so nothing too exotic. We might expand tomorrow though ...! Meant kids went down to bed around 10pm relatively easy though so good there! We got home and had hot chocolate with a spoonful of icecream in it! Hey don't diss til you've tried it ;-) Must be vanilla mind! :-D Right we are still playing blog catch up so I shall reverse back to ...
Monday 29th March:
Weee it's the last week of school before Easter! Today is positively glorious weather too so nice and warm. I topped around 23c on one day this week! Today though it was 17c and look at that blue sky! Lush! Friday we are going up to mother in laws house so I start packing by getting Sophie's case down and pack her clothing.
Tuesday 30th March:
Today I put on my big girl pants and called the school nursing team. Last night Jessica was very upset over her hands. I took some photos of them but she made me promise not to show anyone. So if you want any ideas of how they look just google OCD red hands. She said her hands were like ugly red potatoes and she hates herself. It was kinda like a kick in the teeth. I had been wondering before if I was over dramatising and making all this up? Is it really that bad? Will she grow out of it again? She went through a period of about 6 months of hand washing when she was 6 and was really stressed out with a teaching assistant she didn't get on with who picked on her. There is apparently a genetic link to OCD as well and then there is my parenting which was rubbish around that age. My mental health was really bad with rages and bad PMDD. I blame myself but I guess we are at the point where any blaming anyone isn't going to help. It could be all 3. So any way I rang the school nurse who pretty much confirmed my fears that we most likely won't be taken on by CAHMS. They are the child mental health team under the NHS and are notorious for being seriously rubbish! Whilst I don't envy you guys in the USA for having to pay for stuff at least you won't have to wait at least 2 years for your child to be seen! They won't take any child on unless they are very severe or suicidal here. Which puts the rest of us in no mans land! So she said that they won't even look at a referral unless there is evidence that something had been tried first. So after Easter she is going to send out a nurse to the school to do an Anxiety workbook with Jess. She will have homework. And once this has been done then we could put in a referral. So they will ring me after she has gone back to school to arrange that. In the meantime we are looking into getting Natasha Daniels course from the USA. She is a private child therapist who works there and has set a course together to teach parents about it and how to work with children at home on OCD. We have no other options really so will look into this. We could do a private therapist but we'll cross that bridge later down the line.
Having a child with OCD is one of the most stressful experiences of my life. I spend all my time trying not to listen to the constant tap running in the bathroom. I just want to scream get out of there. Your damaging yourself. You have only picked something up off the floor. Or only touched your sister. Or only moved a plate to the kitchen side. ARGH just argh! I feel so helpless, triggered, frustrated and angry over it. I sometimes take my anger out on her telling her to stop but she says she can't. I know she can't. But man! Phew! I need to learn some coping techniques because sometimes I think it's affecting me more than her! Any way moving on ...
In the evening Sophie decided to give Jess a foot massage and play doctors or something! I pack again this time getting Jessica's case out and do her clothes. I go back to Sophie's case and do her smellies, bedding, and toys for there.